Billede af Gioele Fazzeri 

Når vi skal udføre en ny opgave, er det let at føle sig overvældet, især når det involverer andre mennesker. Stress induceret af den indledende begivenhed kombineret med vores følelser hæmmer ens evne til at være klar og engagere sig i nutidstænkning.

Interpersonal relationships can make new endeavors complicated. It doesn’t matter if it’s meeting our future in-laws for the first time, competing in a tournament, or interviewing for a job. It’s stressful. It doesn’t help our cause that we’re often entertaining our negative chatter about ourselves.

The following example will illustrate how to minimize angst when in high states situations. You can apply this to any upcoming events in your life.

Polly Takes On Her Mind

Recently I had the chance to help out Polly, a former competitive swimmer, who was about to take her grueling MCAT exam for medical school. She called, relaying that she had lost several hours of sleep the previous night. I knew it was her fear that was between her and feeling calm and relaxed. The fear was affecting her thinking, and now she was telling herself “I’m not prepared enough” og “I didn’t study enough.” Her mind was also racing into the future, “What if I don’t pass? What would I tell people?”

Having identified Polly’s destructive thoughts, we set about finding truthful contradictions. For the first two, “I’m not prepared enough” og “I didn’t study enough,” I asked her what was true. Had she been eating bon-bons and watching mindless television these last months? She answered straight away, and I hurriedly wrote down what she said.

"I’ve definitely been on it."
"I’ve done all I can do."
"There’s nothing more that I could have done."
"I’ve done my best."

I asked Polly if what she was saying was true and she acknowledged how diligent she had been. That was easy! These truths were about her.

I had her repeat these four lines out loud a few times and we could both hear in her voice that she knew in her heart that it was true. Whew!

We then attacked Polly’s other group of destructive thoughts that had to do with what others would think. “What will I tell people if I don’t pass?”

Being the smart cookie that she is, she paused, laughed, and said, “I’ll tell them the same thing”:

"I don’t know how I could have prepared anymore."
"I guess I’ll just take it again."

With great relief she repeated these statements a few times. I could tell that she felt the truth with what she was saying because she said she was grinning broadly.

I reminded her that she now had some powerful weapons to combat her old doubts if they resurfaced between now and test time. I also encouraged Polly to repeat the two sets of statements several times throughout the day and night because they would bathe her in the reality and keep her feeling calm.

Deal with The Accompanying Anxiety

When Polly and I were finishing our session, I felt compelled to get on my soapbox and remind her that her bad thoughts indicated she was just feeling fear. Since fear is just a pure physical sensation, pure energy in the body, she should copy what animals do when they are afraid. The don’t get frozen. Rather, they shiver, tremble and shake until the danger passes. We need to follow their lead and do the same.

Shiver up the spine, through your legs, out your arms and hands, in your hips, and in your neck and jaw. The key is to do it hard, fast, and with abandon. I know it seems silly but it really works. Try it for 90 seconds and I guarantee you’ll start to laugh and the spell will be broken.

This simple activity is the Rx for whenever we can’t sleep, or feel anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, agitated, etc. Shake that energy out of your body while just making sounds or saying something like “It’s just fear. I need to move it out of my body.”

It became clear to Polly that just like before a big swim meet, it didn’t make sense to work out all day. Likewise, it was going to be most helpful for her to attend a yoga class, take a run, or prepare a special meal, and relax the day before. All the months of studying were behind her. She would be doing what calmed her down so she’d be fresh as a daisy in the morning, and even enjoy the test, since she’d be sure to know most of the answers.

These Simple Suggestions Work

I got a text from Polly, a couple of days later, saying “I flew through the questions. Now, I’ll just have to wait a month for the results!” She was one happy gal. All her preparation had paid off. She could resume her previous life and just wait and see.

You too can apply these steps to any upcoming situation. You’ll see the benefit of doing a little self-therapy to make your task a bit easier. First identify your negative thoughts and doom-and-gloom thinking. Then systematically write down what’s true about you and the situation. Repeat, repeat, repeat your statements, interrupting all the old thoughts that creep into your head. Diligently insert your truth. And shiver a ton, to keep your fear at bay.

Then just do your best and enjoy the ride.

© 2024 af Jude Bijou, MA, MFT
Alle rettigheder forbeholdes.

Bog af denne forfatter: Attitude Genopbygning

Genopbygning af holdninger: En plan for at opbygge et bedre liv
af Jude Bijou, MA, MFT

Med praktiske værktøjer og eksempler fra det virkelige liv kan denne bog hjælpe dig med at stoppe med at nøjes med tristhed, vrede og frygt og tilføre dit liv glæde, kærlighed og fred. Jude Bijous omfattende plan vil lære dig at: ? takle familiemedlemmers uopfordrede råd, kurere ubeslutsomhed med din intuition, håndtere frygt ved at udtrykke den fysisk, skabe nærhed ved virkelig at tale og lytte, forbedre dit sociale liv, øge personalemoralen på kun fem minutter om dagen, håndtere sarkasme ved at visualisere det flyve forbi, afsætte mere tid til dig selv ved at afklare dine prioriteter, bed om en lønforhøjelse og få det, stop med at kæmpe via to nemme trin, kurer børns raserianfald konstruktivt. Du kan integrere Attitude Reconstruction i din daglige rutine, uanset din spirituelle vej, kulturelle baggrund, alder eller uddannelse.

For mere info og / eller for at bestille denne bog, Klik her. Fås også som en Kindle-udgave.

Om forfatteren

Jude Bijou er en licenseret ægteskabs- og familieterapeut (MFT), en pædagog i Santa Barbara, Californien og forfatteren af Genopbygning af holdninger: En plan for at opbygge et bedre liv.

I 1982 lancerede Jude en privat psykoterapipraksis og begyndte at arbejde med enkeltpersoner, par og grupper. Hun begyndte også at undervise i kommunikationskurser gennem Santa Barbara City College voksenuddannelse.

Besøg hendes hjemmeside på AttitudeReconstruction.com/